I Don’t Know What I’m Doing 🤷🏾

The past couple months, I’ve been going back and forth about my feelings about my work. I have been told that I am doing a great job and what not but I don’t believe it for myself. I don’t have a niche in my opinion (That one thing I’m good at and that others know I am good at). I feel like I know some things but I don’t feel very confident in any of them. 

Oddly enough, a few months back, I did a talk on Imposter Syndrome, I’ll link that here.

Check out my talk about Imposter Syndrome

It’s funny how at one point, you’re working on a project and feeling okay about how it’s going, you’re getting stuff done. Then BAM! That project is over and you don’t have the same feeling about the new stuff you’re doing. It’s natural not to feel confident in doing it because you haven’t had time to adjust and don’t know as much about it because you haven’t worked with it. 

Anyways, I’m here to let you know – It’s okay not to feel okay about the projects you’re doing. I have yet to find someone who fully enjoys every part of their job. I will continue to try new things and maybe they won’t be my jam or I won’t feel confident in my abilities but at least I can say that I tried it. 

Going back to not feeling confident: How am I dealing with this? It’s hard to say right now – I’m having doubts about being able to solve problems and I’m looking back at my career path. I’m also trying to figure out How exactly do I learn best? I struggled with this because growing up: I told myself Just fake it to you make it. OR There’s strength in the struggle. So, there I was, just dealing with it on my own until a breakthrough happened…And eventually there was always a breakthrough! You can’t do that as an engineer. You have many problems to solve and you need to get stuff done and move on to the next thing because there are always more things. I learned that the hard way but I sometimes find myself going back into bad habits and wanting to figure it out all by myself. Truth is, I don’t have all the answers.

Gif of Kanye West Talking to Sway

I took a break this weekend – I was feeling bummed on Friday and very hard on myself…So Saturday – I went to the Arboretum, took some pics, walked around. I needed that break and it felt great to do something I’ve never done before. Take a look at some of the shots I captured. 

Me in front of stream of water

A Gigantic Pumpkin

Charlie Brown Pumpkin Patch

Large trees with people standing on walking path

When the week starts back up, I may be having the same feeling of What am I really doing here? I wish I could tell you what to do here but sadly I don’t know. I’ll report back when I do though. Until then, I’ll choose to believe that Time heals everything 

 Does that even apply here? Again, I’m not sure. 

Moral of the story: If you’re feeling lost, it’s okay. We all feel lost at one point or another. Find the positives and take time for yourself to recharge.